Herstory

of [relationship] ‘vigilance’ include calling at unexpected times to see who s/he was with, having their friends check up on him/her, dropping by unexpectedly to see what s/he is doing, not letting s/he out of their site at a party. Examples of [relationship] violence include: hitting the [person] who made a pass at [their partner], slapping the [person] who made a pass a their partner, threatening their partner, and getting his/her friends to beat up the person who was interested in their partner.

Other tactics of ‘mate guarding’ include the ‘concealment of a mate’ (e.g., not taking them out to the party where other males/females will be present), ‘monopolizing of a mate’s time’ (e.g., spending all their free time with their partner so that they cannot meet anyone else), verbal threats, (e.g., threatening to break up with him/her if they ever cheat…), derogation of competition, (e.g., pointing out to their partner the other man/woman’s flaws), resource display, (e.g., buying them an expensive gift), appearance enhancement, (e.g., making themselves ‘extra attractive’ for their partner), sexual inducement, (e.g., performing sexual favors to keep their partner around), physical signs of possession, (e.g., holding their partner’s hand when other men/women are around), and possessive ornamentation, (e.g., asking their partner to wear a ring signifying that s/he is taken).

Men and women differ in how frequently they perform these mate-guarding tactics. Men are more likely than women to attempt to conceal their mates, use possessive markings, (e.g., asking her to wear his jacket), display resources, threaten rivals, and use physical violence toward rivals as tactics of mate guarding. Women are more likely than men to enhance their physical appearance and flirt with other men as tactics of mate guarding.

Our study of 107 newlywed married couples explored predictors of the intensity of effort a person allocated to mate guarding. Men married to young and physically attractive women, those high in reproductive value, mate-guarded them most intensely. These men were more likely than other men to conceal their mates, display emotional outbursts at the slightest signals of infidelity, and threaten other men with violence. Examples of the specific actions these men performed include:

(1) Refusing to take her to the party where other men were present, (2) Insisting that she spend all her free time with him, (3) Yelling at her for talking to another man, (4) Telling her that he would die if she ever left him, (5) Derogating the other man’s intelligence, (6) Staring coldly at the other guy who was looking at her.

Just as women’s youth and physical attractiveness figure heavily in men’s initial mate preference, they also determine the intensity of effort men devote to holding on to her.

Buss, David. "The Murderer Next Door: Why The Mind Is Designed To Kill." Penguin Press; New York, 2005. (p. 146 - 147)
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A 4-Year-Old Girl Asked A Lesbian If She's A Boy. She Responded The Awesomest Way Possible.

Ash Beckham is awesome. She also happens to be gay, and she thinks it's hard for straight people coming out of the closet.

Jail Jamas, 1950s

..genuine prison stripes

gift card "Lose all hope ye who enter here"

When people can't modulate their own anxieties and insecurities, one partner's options and priorities are sacrificed on the alter of the other's fears, whether those options are a new baby, a new job, or new sexual behavior. You also fear that if your partner doesn't need you, because he or she can take care of himself/herself, then he or she wouldn't want you or choose you. This makes you fear your partner becoming more emotionally autonomous as much as you fear it in yourself.

I believe in the empowerment of aesthetic response. I believe it’s just as important — perhaps even more so –to do with porn and erotic materials than it is with Art.

Understanding your reactions, positive and negative, makes you a more self-aware human being. A wiser human being. To me, this is the intellectual version of an opposable thumb because it separates us from the simple wankers. And when it comes to our relationships, it is just as important to be able to articulate our reactions so that we can share them with our partners. Having struggled to do this for ourselves, we become aware just how difficult the process is and therefore we have greater understanding when our partners share their struggled-to-arrive-at reactions. Simply put, talking about turn-ons, turn-offs, and why we have them means not only increased intimacy, becoming better lovers, but we can then select erotica materials for mutual enjoyment.

In the case of this photo, and those like them, my negative feelings are deeper than the words “tacky” and “silly”. Deeper and more painful.

"The battle for equality was won years ago," some say ~ usually with a dismissive air, like we should just get over it because it's ancient history.

It's not over, and even the things we 'won' are like those 40 acres and mules ~ not here yet.

We may have come a long way, baby; but we're not there yet. In my lifetime I've seen, heard, and read plenty. Sometimes it's laughable ~ until you realize that real people lived this way, causing your heart to ache, your stomach to churn, and your ire to rise.

Christian woman's advice to abused wives reads like a handbook for ascetic self-mortification.